How The Pass Came About

An overview of this story has been related to many of the escorts I’ve seen.  It is doubtful that many of them believe it …or even care whether or not it is true.

I have 8 hours to kill on the flight to Manila so now is as good a time as any for some background on how the Pass came about.

The woman next to me in coach is straining to read what I am writing.  She is going to get an eye opening read.

My wife is a very sexual person.  An avid reader of porn (romantic and fantasy), she owns an extensive library of books which she reads and re-reads.  She has always had toys, and is very open minded about sex. She has never been prudish or uptight. I have always suspected that she is much more adventurous than I am.  When we hooked up initially, we didn’t come out of the bedroom for a week. I was a typical horny guy in my teens and 20’s… all about bagging as many girls as possible, but I never got into any kink or fetishes.

My lady on the other hand, has serious imagination.  We have always been a straight monogamous couple.  No swinging, open marriages, sister wives, polyamory, or anything of the sort.


Two things she wanted out of me from the beginning, which I have always been lousy at providing:  Dancing and Role Play.

I have made several lame attempts at dancing lessons, but most certainly have not held up my end of the marriage on that front.

Role play, I am lousy at.  Oh I could immerse myself in D&D for days and days when I was 15.  But just could never be very convincing with the fuzzy handcuffs at 35.

Risky public locations, creative positions, tantric yoga…I’m in.  Role Play, I am terrified.

I am not sure how this is relates to how we got here, but it paints the picture of our sexual relationship. When it comes to fantasy, I am the constraining factor, not her. She is very big on fantasies. I have never been good at that part.  As we got older, I think it has become a contributing factor. No proof though…


I’ll also add here that she is my second wife.  Wife 2.0, who I’ll refer to as T in this post.

We met in the mid 90’s when I was freshly divorced from a crazy ex.  I had been a social worker, but now was managing a gaming store in the mall. Better pay, less drama. I was making a proper whore of myself at the time.  In particular I was sleeping with a 19 year old redhead who managed the coffee shop next to my store.

I was sharing an apartment with two girl roommates (completely platonic friends I met through work, who did not know my ex).  They teased me relentlessly about the 19 year old, who they dubbed the ‘teeny bopper girlfriend’.  We were all in our late 20’s. Those girls were true friends of mine, and it was all in good fun.  Their motto was “get under somebody to get over somebody” and they thoroughly encouraged me, while also trying to fix me up with proper girls my own age on occasion.

It turned out that T was an acquaintance of my roomies who was seriously involved (living together), with a good friend of theirs from college.  T and her boyfriend came over for dinner and drinks one night.  I wasn’t even supposed to be there, but something came up with the teeny bopper and it was a rare night where I was going to be home. We all ended up having a few too many beers and playing cards. Not strip poker or anything exciting, just plain cards with our clothes on and nothing wild going on.

T looked amazing. Short auburn hair. Bright blue eyes. A few freckles. Definitely my thing. We shared a few glances across the coffee table. No one noticed. We all had our shoes off, and were sitting on the floor.  Out of nowhere her foot brushed mine under the table and stayed there. Our eyes met. BAM. That was it.  20 years later we are still married.

I love her very much, and believe she feels the same.  Over a 20 year period, our sex life has evolved from daily sex marathons to 10 minutes of awkward sex twice a year, and a lot of blowjobs. I never cheated…never really even considered it.  I have some ideas, but am not certain how we got here.

I do know some of it…T had some feminine health issues that started more than 10 years ago which caused her chronic pain. We also had number of difficulties conceiving, which took the romance out of it. Basically I was shooting blanks, on top of her complications. We decided to be the cool aunt and uncle, and gave up on having kids.  It was a difficult moment for us, during which we considered and failed several very expensive options. In the end, however, we decided we didn’t want to be that couple who was determined to have a child at all costs. This can shred a marriage. We know people like that. Painful to watch. My social work experience precluded me from wanting to adopt.  I know that industry too well. It was a difficult time for us, but we evolved.

Our sex life started to decline after that.  We developed a sense of humor about it, but under the surface, tension began.  She would stumble upon me jerking off to some porn at 6 am, and we would laugh. But later, I would be frustrated, which is hard to disguise when two people know each other for so long.

Two years ago, she had surgery to permanently rectify her issue.  Now it finally is gone, but some of the pain remains. She says sex doesn’t feel the same, and she has lost her desire. The doctor advised to give it some time, the pain would fade, and things would get back to normal slowly.  Not true.

Again, we made light:  I have a standing offer of Blow Job On Demand from her.  Anytime, anywhere.  She has mad skills.

One year ago, we planned a romantic vacation for our anniversary. One of our go-to favorite romantic places.  This place has a lot of history for us, and had never failed in the past. The trip was nice on most fronts, but sexually very awkward. She had no real desire. We tried anyway, but it was painful for her. On top of that, I had performance issues. On the last day we went for a walk at sunset to clear our heads.  There was a considerable amount of tension.  Sex has become a very sore topic for us.

Out of the blue, she says “I don’t care if you get sex from somebody else”.


I dismissed the idea immediately.  She laughs.

We went home the next day and didn’t discuss it.  A few weeks later she dropped the same statement again at home.  I tried to shut it down again. No dice this time.


She goes on to say the following:

“I’m just saying that I love you. I know sex is important to you, and you get frustrated.

I am frustrated with it too, but don’t know how to fix it.  Frankly, I don’t have the desire anymore. I feel guilty more than anything. I don’t really care if you get it somewhere else. Our relationship is valuable, and is about more than sex. Let’s not get hung up on it.

Just do me a few favors:

  1. No teeny bopper girlfriends. I don’t want any dramatic ‘he loves me, not you’ phone calls.
  2. Don’t embarrass me: no one else can know.
  3. I don’t want to ever know anything about it.

I made one statement:  “this is crazy.  If we ever were to go down this road, it would have to be a two way street.  You should be able to do your own thing too.”

She rolled her eyes in that wifely way: “Sure honey.”

We didn’t discuss it any further.


Shortly afterwards, she left on a work trip for 8 weeks.  While she was gone, I thought about that conversation very hard… for about 6 weeks.  I have a million rationalizations.  I am sure many people will say:  take the high road:  jack off, enjoy the blowjobs.  Any man should be happy with that.

In the end, my selfishness has won out. I am a rat bastard to be sure.  I considered calling her to “talk” about my accepting her offer and formalize things.  But decided to refer to rule #3.

Then I booked my first session with a provider in my home town.  Awesome woman, who broke me into the hobby (beginner’s luck)… another post there…

Prior to that session, I had not been with another woman for 20+ years.

That was 10 months ago. Our lives seem back to normal now. Actually, much better than they have been in a very long time. I am very happy, and she also seems very happy.  Our relationship has moved onto the other important things in life.  Preparing to take care of our folks. Being social, doing the fun things we love to do together, etc.

TGTBT, but the ship has sailed now.

On a side note this is a good article, which surely applies to my case. (thanks

Letter from a Sex Worker to a Wife about her Cheating Husband

This was published about six months into my Pass, so it is doubtful T read this exact article.  Undoubtedly she has come to these conclusions on her own.

Oh and I forgot to mention, my lovely bride has a degree in Finance. She’s clearly done the math.

4 Comments Add yours

  1. Is she sleeping with other men as well or does rule number 3 still apply?


    1. uehobbyist says:

      Rule 3 still applies. I hope she is, but I doubt it. I have also considered the possibility she might be sleeping with women. Several of her extended trips are girls only.

      Liked by 1 person

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