T and I celebrate most holidays by dividing and conquering our respective families. In the early days of our marriage, we tried to see everyone on the exact holiday…roaming house to house. Since our families do not get along, it was always a long day for us in the car. A few years ago, we just decided to split it up…I’ll do my family and you do yours. Practical.
We attacked Father’s Day early. Headed out on Saturday to beat the crowds. Not having any kids ourselves, this is usually an easy holiday.
My trip home worked out nicely. My old man is easy going and just happy to see me. He picked a new BBQ place in town that has outside only seating. Since it is really fucking hot outside (almost 95F), nobody will go with him to this kind of place but me. I actually prefer hot weather. Hot, humid, sticky, sweaty? I am in! No I am not crazy, it is just what I am used to. I grew up in a land of perpetual summer.
Anyhow, he and I had a good BBQ lunch and a couple of beers. Nice outing. We talked about the divorce for about half an hour. He is supportive. Talked a little bit about how his divorce went with my mom over 30 years ago. They are still friends. My dad remarried and has not now been married to #2 for over 25 years. My mom never remarried, but had a few long term relationships that were similar to marriages.
We’re men. Not a lot of drama in the discussion. Frankly we talked more about the BBQ.
T, on the other hand, had a very difficult trip. Her dad also wanted BBQ, but they settled on a BBQ chain so her mom could sit in the AC.
She is very close to her dad and really wanted a one-on-one day with him. Her mom was having none of that. Her mom apparently monopolized the whole day and she didn’t get any time alone with her father. She was very disappointed. To make matters worse her mom insisted on talking about nothing but the divorce for the entire afternoon. Her dad was obviously uncomfortable with the subject and wanted to ‘just enjoy the day’. Not in the cards.
I really feel bad for T. My family and friends are very supportive. Her family is not supportive at all, and most of her friends are avoiding the subject.
We watched TV on the couch for a few hours. She decompressed, I listened.
I see now, part of my guilt is that I am the majority of her support network.
Heading to Detroit tomorrow. Got an email from Scarlett this morning, saying hi.
If she is in town next week, I’ll make some time to see her.