Picnics are Nice, Understanding is Better

After my Saturday morning session with the new escort, I head over to get my haircut at Siobahn’s. She is the stylist who is a friend of both T and I.  I’ve been referring to her as C, but now am giving her a better pseudonym.


The story on Siobahn…

Someone Else Knows about the Pass


(NOTE: If you have been following along from the beginning, apologies for the name change.  The writing was getting little klugy with too many one letter characters.)


It has been a month since we’ve talked and I catch her up on my side of the story.  She has hung out with T once or twice while I was travelling.

“I can tell the two of you are drifting in different directions. T told me you both are trying to work things out, but I foresee ultimately that you will be apart.  You just have to give her time to see it too.”

We talk about a bunch of other things. Her perspective is always helpful.  She has never been married and is the same age as me. She is also considering the hobby. She found a male escort on line that she likes.  I’m not sure the guy’s side will be the same, but share a few tips that might apply. Time, money, reviews, safety, etc…

I leave the shop feeling -3 on the relationship meter.  An hour later, I’m having coffee with Henry. His take is similar to Siobahn.  Not as decisive, but close.

A few hours later, T and I are snuggled up on the couch catching up on TV (Hannibal).   I am very relaxed.  She had a long day with the monkey people, but it sounds productive.  We have a nice evening.

Sunday Morning, I am out for a run.  My head is full of conflicting feelings.  I feel very good about T.  Sex and freedom from the Pass helps.  However, is this really sustainable?  Is the Pass a real way of life or just a fix?  I do not feel guilt.  I don’t consider it cheating. If T were acting on the pass with males escorts, I would be happy about it. She deserves some release too.

Later in the day, T and I decide to go for a picnic. We grab a couple of sandwiches, some potato salad and go lay on a blanket in a park by a lake.  We lay there very close together, legs touching, and reading. We don’t talk very much.  It is very relaxing.  We fall asleep for about an hour.  An egret wakes us up walking by.  We lay there in that moment very content.  These are our moments of intimacy. This is what I crave, and do not get enough of.

Great White Egret
Great White Egret

She enjoys the picnic too, but I know she would rather have spent that time with the big cats.  She is doing this picnic for me. I need a break in the outdoors. She knows me.


T gives me confidence and from that comes strength. She believes that I am smart and capable. I don’t have to prove anything to her. When we talk, she understands what I am saying. It is intangible, yet real. We all have insecurities. I have plenty. She is proof that they are unfounded.



We are good at problem solving together . When something is stressing me, she is who I talk to.

First, she will grasp the gist of the problem very quickly. A few sentences and she gets it.  There is no one else I know that understands what I am trying to communicate better than she does.  Not my family. Not my friends.  Not anyone.

Second, she doesn’t judge. She is on my side.  Not just taking my side, she actually agrees with me most of the time. If she does not agree with me for some reason, we can debate it out in a positive manner. Once that happens, we will relate it to something that has happened to us before, and build a solution based on it. We work through what to do next.  Then we go do it.

We joke that we are very good on missions together.  There is no project we can’t conquer.  We have worked together several times at the same company, and were a force to be reckoned with.  Mutual trust and mutual belief in one another.

This is also the blind spot in our relationship.  Normally when one of us is faced with a stressful problem, the other helps them through it.  Now we are hindered because the problem is each other.

Another  issue we have uncovered lately is that we have no missions right now.  We have been in perpetual motion for 18 years.   We’ve moved 16 times.  Finally, three years ago we settled back home and bought this house.  I have attained a position where I won’t need to relocate any more. She usually does contract work 5 or 6 months a year. Money is not an issue for us.  So she hasn’t taken any contracts recently.  We finally have a normal home.

The past two years, she has become very involved in her sanctuary work.  The sanctuary folks love and appreciate her. She is good at it.

Meanwhile, I am travelling the world managing a global team.  T has immersed herself into the animal work, while I’m enjoying seeing the world.

I invited her to a Maroon 5 concert in Paris for our anniversary. She loves Adam Levine.  However, she shot the idea down.  She would rather see them here at home so she wouldn’t have to take time off at the sanctuary. I also invited her to Eastern Europe and Japan. She wasn’t interested in either.  Now I am planning to take escorts on those trips.

Like Siobahn says, drifting in different directions…

One Comment Add yours

  1. R. Patience says:

    I really enjoy the thought process around how you and your wife interact. The drifting apart. The ability to execute on missions. Yet missing the intimacy. I often felt we were tremendous partners and roommates but many of the things we were good at could be done with paid assistance and the things we needed generally cannot be (well in your case maybe they can :), but there is a limit.)


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