T got a call last night for a month long work assignment in another part of the US. She leaves in two weeks, and will be gone the whole time. She is excited about it, and I am happy for her. She is returning to a site she knows well to work with friends who need her help.
A rare opportunity in life: to be needed to do work that you love with people you like.
This particular site is a sore spot in our relationship though. She was offered an opportunity two years ago to manage this site permanently. She turned it down for several reasons, and has regretted it ever since.
- Her father, who lives an hour away from us today, had just been diagnosed with a debilitating disease.
- We had just bought and renovated a house after years of moving around.
- The job would have required a 1,600 mile relocation to a small town.
I did not want to move. Something I feel very guilty about. We have moved 16 times in our 18 year marriage. Many of those moves were initiated by me. Now I am finally tired of moving. I didn’t force the issue, and let her decide on her own.
I said “I don’t want to move. However, it’s your turn. We’ve moved plenty for me. You decide. Whatever you choose I’ll support you, and we’ll go.”
She turned it down.
I feel if I had been 100% on board, she would have taken it.
This all happened before The Pass.
Many times during our recent relationship discussions, she has admitted she is angry at me for not asking for a divorce at that point.
“Why does it occur to you now? Why couldn’t you have told me you wanted a divorce then?”
She has a point. She passed up a dream job, partially because I don’t want to move, and NOW I want a divorce. Asking her for a divorce had seriously never occurred to me at that point.
In my own defense, we didn’t know what was going to happen with her dad, and she would have never forgiven herself for moving away if he deteriorated rapidly. I think at the time, that was her primary deciding point. However. that does not get me off the hook.
Today, he is managing his disease quite well.
Two years have passed. The manager they hired in her stead is struggling. Some of their best people are quitting because of it. The Executive Director called T to come help out while they are short-handed.
It will be interesting to see what happens. Maybe that opportunity will come back around.
In any event, we’ll get a month apart and see how we each manage on our own.