Leopard Bait

Saturday began on the wrong foot.

A friend of ours (Bill), texted me out of the blue. He wanted a private tour of the sanctuary from T.  We haven’t talked to him in more than two years.  It’s always good to catch up with friends, so we figured what the hell.  She agreed and I went along. We know him through work.  The three of us have done several travelling gigs together over the years.  Fun times on the road in the Caribbean: IT consulting with a little rum, armed guards, and gambling mixed in.

Those stories are not going into this blog.  LOL.

It was a little odd because we’ve invited him to bring his wife & kids out before, and they never seemed interested. When he got out of the car, it all clicked into place.

“Is that his daughter?”

“Umm NO.”

Then, it got worse….

The girl, who I’ll dub Bambi (an undergrad student) is very excited to meet T. She has signed up to be a volunteer at the sanctuary starting Monday. Happy, happy, joy joy.

“Now I’ll know somebody!” I swear she squealed.

She is hanging on Bill like a teenage girlfriend.

T has a death grip on my hand, digging 4 bloody chevrons into the back of my knuckles.


Man Code Note

A man is obligated to give a head’s up he is bringing his significantly younger not-wife on what is essentially a double date with a married couple.

Dude. Not fucking cool.


We proceed on a two hour private walking educational tour led by my intelligent, charismatic, and annoyed bride, who is an expert in deadly carnivores.

I stay strategically back from the fence when we get to her favorite leopard. I suspect she has secretly trained him to kill on command. If this blog ever stops abruptly, I’ve been dragged up a tree with a broken neck.

Not that I won’t deserve it.

Her Favorite

The tour concludes uneventfully. Bambi is determined to become BFF’s with T. Bill thanks me profusely, for he is surely going to get laid in spades for setting up this tour.  He is not wearing his wedding ring, so hopefully he is divorced.  He and I are having lunch mano-a-mano next week.  I’ll get the full story then.

Thankfully, Bill and Bambi don’t invite us to lunch.

T and I stop for a burger and a beer.  On the way home.

“What is it with all you guys and wife 2.0 lately?”

I remind her she IS wife 2.0.  That does not help my case. I remind myself to shut-the-fuck-up.

Bill is 8 or 9 years younger than me, and I am definitely seeing escorts in Bambi’s age range.  Some have been younger.  I helped a girl named Evelyn celebrate her 21st birthday in a very naked and sweaty way this past December. That was a very nice weekend.

Like I said, the leopard will be entitled to his supper.

The rest of the day was uneventful.  It was difficult to recover from Bill’s bro code violation. However, we managed to eke out a nice evening.  Takeout on the couch, and a marathon of Criminal Minds. Not the best written show on TV, but there are some good one-liners in the script on occasion.

“Nothing says never heard from again like a shallow grave in the middle of nowhere.”

4 Comments Add yours

  1. VegasSparkle says:

    LOL i feel like this was an awkward meeting. He should have mentioned he was bringing someone other than the wife.
    But for the most part, doesn’t sound like it went to bad 🙂


    1. uehobbyist says:

      You are right. It was more funny than frustrating. T and I had a good laugh about it at the end of the day Saturday.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. TheBloggingSD says:

    Hilarious! I think you need to talk to Bill about Sugar dating!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Anonymous says:

    I laughed so hard….”Bambi” LOL

    Liked by 1 person

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