I met a friend for coffee this morning and he as a little disconcerted. His wife caught him masturbating to some naked lady pics. She read him the riot act. Told him she was devastated that he would do such a thing. She interpreted it as him cheating on her with the girl in the picture.
I’ll admit I am a rat bastard, but that is a little over the top. The guy was wracked over it.
He and his wife have been married 21 years. Three teenagers. The oldest is 18 and starting college in a month. 5 years from now they will be empty nesters. They are Catholics. Not devout, but believe in God and morality. He is a good husband.
I’ve known them for several years now. Although they seem to be good couple, He and I have discussed the sexless marriage problem several times.
His wife gives him hand jobs a few times a year, but he has to earn it. If she feels he is not managing the kids properly or not doing his share of the chores around the house, she withholds it as punishment. Likewise she doles it out as a reward when he does something well.
Obviously there are a lot of things converging here. Middle age, religion, self-worth, etc. Each partner has every right to their feelings. If one spouse is not interested in sex, for whatever reason, that is their right and it should be respected. Likewise for the other side. A spouse that does want sex and has sexual urges has every right to them. Repressing how you feel is always a recipe for trouble in a relationship.
My advice was to confront her in a rational adult conversation about how he feels, and also to openly listen to how she feels. Probably will take several conversations, fights, tears, etc. I imagine, like my own marriage, there are some deep issues in there.
I did not recommend my current approach, although I feel for the poor bastard.