Not all of my experiences are golden.  I’ve had a few requests lately to include the less than stellar moments as I run across them. So here goes…I had a lousy one today.

I made plans with Karmen for an overnight this weekend, which fell through three days in a row. Various, valid reasons on her side.  Frustrating, but it happens.  Friday night pushed to Saturday night. Saturday night pushed to Sunday day. Sunday then was cancelled.  I won’t go into the story.  Suffice to say, I get it. I see her enough to know she is not wasting my time.  Nevertheless, it is clear that she is not experienced with all the planning, requirements, etc. that go into an overnight (for both of us).  I’ve been warned more than once about spending ‘too much time’ with one person in this hobby. Karmen and I have seen each other a lot lately.

This left me a completely open Sunday, and some resources burning a hole in my pocket.

At first, I think I’ll just get a few chores done and hang out by myself all day.  The weather is perfect.  I open the house up. Scrub the patio a bit.  By noon, I’m like “Fuck-it, looks good enough.”

Start browsing for escorts.  Shameless.

Everybody I know is taking the day off.  Sunday is a slow day for them. I find someone I don’t know online. Looks good. Talk to her. Sounds good. Go for it.

I get there 90 minutes later. It’s all downhill from there.

This woman is ugly. Not crack whore ugly, more like Shrek. She is clean, just an ogre.  Not the woman in the pics at all. I should have walked.  Like a moron, I didn’t.

Rationalize:  She is so ugly, that her skills must be excellent.  No Dice. I couldn’t get it up. Not one twitch the whole session.   

She sucked my cock for 10 minutes. NOTHING.

Her skills are terrible, plus she keeps eyeballing me with a weird look the whole time. She gets nervous. Starts sucking faster and faster. Then she takes it out and start slapping herself in the face with a strange intense expression.  It’s all I can do not to laugh.

“I’m a DOM.” She says.  LOL, ok. Hope that is working out for you.

She asks me if I have gender confusion…if I’m sure I’m not a little gay.  “umm no.  I’m pretty comfortable with myself.”

I try hand crank.  NADA.  She starts masturbating in front of me. Even worse. Just freaking ugly. No dice. I try to make out with her a little.  “I don’t allow that.” She says.

I don’t tell her she is so ugly I can’t even get it up with my cock in her mouth.  That would be cruel. True, but cruel.

She says “I’m an empath.  You are definitely confused about your sexuality.”

I throw in the towel.  “Honey this isn’t going to work out.”  BAIL

I’ll consider this an investment in my education of what not to do.  I should have walked in the first place.

Easily one of my top 3 weirdest sessions of all time.

Once back in the car, I get in touch with Kacey who is more than happy to see me.  I drive straight to her place.

“Can I use your shower before we start? I’m a little sweaty from driving over here”

I want to at least wash Shrek’s breath off of my junk.

7 Comments Add yours

  1. eroticvignettes says:

    that’s the realest piece of writing I’ve read in a long time


  2. Walter Mitty says:

    Makes the good ones seem all that much better, no?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. What a disaster! You should have just left!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. uehobbyist says:

      yep. Good advice. I’ll take it next time.


  4. TheBloggingSD says:

    Someone bailing and not having your trusted regulars around – its always been a recipe for disaster for me too! Sorry this happened – but great story!

    Liked by 1 person

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