T Comes Home

T got home last night. I am on a plane to Iowa this morning for an early client meeting tomorrow. I picked her up at the airport at 7pm.  Writing this on my flight out.  We didn’t talk about the divorce yesterday, but the discussion needs to happen this week. It will suck, but avoiding it helps neither of us.

I wasn’t expecting her until tomorrow. I had her return date written down wrong.


I spent Saturday making sure the house was in decent shape.

Washed all the linens.  Policed my brass.

Lipstick on the mouthwash bottle, long blonde hairs in the bed, condom wrappers in the bathroom trash can, etc.  I put the wrappers in a McDonald’s bag and threw that in the trash at Starbuck’s around the corner.

The remaining fresh condoms are packed in my laptop bag.  I won’t leave those in the house.  A handful spilled out at the flight gate as I was pulling out my travel wallet.  Oops…The married middle aged lady standing next to me didn’t appreciate my humor about it. LOL.

Now that I think about it, I should just toss them.  No reason to carry condoms around. Not hobbying on this trip.


I missed T while she was gone, and it is good to have her home. However, it also brings the reality forward. We need to resolve our direction.  She hinted at moving to Minnesota. I didn’t take the bait to start that talk.  No time for a deep discussion last night.  I had to get to bed early.  A long night of ‘our marriage is over’ talks was not in the cards.

Instead, we had a nice quiet evening.  Both of us in bed by 8:30. Reading.  She had a hard month and is bruised head to toe from building tiger enclosures.  Glad to be home in her own bed, she thanked me for putting on clean sheets.

Rat bastard, I am.

Next week, I’m taking a solo vacation.  Meeting Charlotte in Napa for the weekend on Friday. Then up to the Pacific Northwest on Sunday night to visit my best friend for a week. It is his birthday.

The divorce conversation needs to be moved forward before I leave on Friday.  I’m not looking forward to it. However, it needs to be done. My feeling is that T still does not want the divorce, but will agree. I feel guilty, but want to move forward. Absence has made my heart grow fond for her, but the underlying issues are unchanged. I’d rather leave than continue to live underground. I am technically within the rules, but in my heart I know I am way past the boundaries she intended for the pass.

I want to be free and clear. No doubt I will have regrets, but also a new chapter in my life.

The reason Paula ended her last sugar relationship is that her SD told his wife he wanted a divorce, then professed his love to her.  She ended their arrangement shortly thereafter.   He didn’t understand. She is a 20 year old latina. There is no way she could bring a middle aged, divorced sugar daddy home to her family.  He offered to double her allowance if she would stay and be his RL GF.  She still left, and has agreed to see me for less than her original deal with him. It is about the boundaries.  A big part of our agreement is that we both understand the rules and limits.

Charlotte taught me this.  These are arrangements not romances.

So, no worries Charlotte. I will see you Friday in Napa. I am not coming to profess my undying love.

We will have a great weekend.

17 Comments Add yours

  1. emmagc75 says:

    I’m sorry. It’s so difficult when the love is still there but no passion. Sometimes I think it would be easier if we didn’t love each other. Hope you’re ok. Are you going to keep doing escorts n sb after you’re single?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. uehobbyist says:

      Thanks for the empathy. I have no idea from here.probably…. I have been in one relationship or another since high school. I probably need to learn to be alone for a bit. At least the E/SB relationships have limits. We’ll see.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. emmagc75 says:

        Yeah but they just seem sad and expensive lol

        Liked by 1 person

      2. uehobbyist says:

        Expensive, definitely. Sad no. Diverse. Each has their own reasons for this choice. Some are truly just business people saving for early retirement. I have one friend who is not in the blog, that is happly married with 2 kids. She paid off their home in cash in 5 years. She and her husband are 28 year old swingers. Paula quit a minimum wage job for sugar. I’ll pay her more in a month than she could have earned…and she’ll not spend 30 hours a week with me…for my side. I have a thousand rationalizations…

        Liked by 1 person

      3. emmagc75 says:

        I wasn’t really thinking about them. Like you said they each have their own reasons. I know I’m naive. Hell, I had one affair and fell in love! Lol I guess my pussy and my heart are connected and that’s that. When did you decide on divorce? I didn’t know. Sorry to hear.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. uehobbyist says:

        It dawned on me what you meant while I was on the last leg of this flight. Yes, it is sad. I am sad about it. I feel like she and I have reached this irreversible fork in the path. The escorts have definitely helped me separate my dick from my heart (LOL). I can be intimate with someone, fulfill that need in my life without feeling like we need to elope. A year ago, I couldn’t say that. I expected to have all things in one person. Now Different people have different roles in my life.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. emmagc75 says:

        Sure steal my lines lol. Well I know even if you’re the one wanting to separate, it’s still a difficult time. Like u said, maybe you should be alone for a bit. Oh and if ur seeing all these women, you’re not alone dude lol.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. uehobbyist says:

        You got me. I have been simultaneously lonely yet not alone. That is a fair point.
        I will tell you one thing this has taught me. Having sex with escorts allowed me to remove sex from the table of issues that T and I have. It clarified things so I could see the other pieces of the relationship that were not working. Up until that point, I always got stuck on “how do we get back to having sex on a regular basis”. Once that was off the table I started to clearly see the other stuff….like intimacy, and how come I do all the work around the house, pay all the bills and you are off volunteering 7 days a week..and when I ask you to do something I want to do , like ‘go hiking or kayak’ you’re too tired from working outside all week (for free). Yet when your friends need an extra hand it is ok for me to give up all day saturday helping them build cages and do landscaping outside….suddenly I saw there was a lot more broken than I realized…and it had very little to do with sex. Lack of sex was only one of the symptoms…oops sorry for the little rant there.

        Liked by 2 people

      7. emmagc75 says:

        Omg u do all the work around house, pay the bills and just want lots of hot sex? Dude I might be your soulmate LMAO!


      8. emmagc75 says:

        Seriously though, I feel like I get it a lot more now. So it was a good rant. Thnx 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      9. uehobbyist says:

        thanks. Yes: cook, clean, grocery shop, laundry and the yard. Plus pay the bills. She can earn equal to or more than me, but prefers the sanctuary work instead. I’m happy she has found her passion. However, she is burying herself in it and I’m on the sideline. I don’t even need “lots of hot sex”, I’d be happy with just some regular sex that doesn’t feel like she’s doing me a favor and I have to be quick about it. She’s missing out on the fact that I’ve discovered a hobby of my own . Thanks for listening.

        Liked by 1 person

      10. emmagc75 says:

        Your welcome. Anytime. It’s great she found her passion but marriage is a partnership. Extremely unfair for anyone to have to carry the load alone. Sharing is necessary. Hugs and lots of luck xo!

        Liked by 1 person

      11. Miss Evelyn says:

        What more can a woman ask for? You’ve described the fantasy man…

        Liked by 1 person

      12. uehobbyist says:

        LOL. far from perfect.

        Liked by 1 person

      13. Miss Evelyn says:

        Perfection doesn’t exist. But compromising does. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  2. uehobbyist says:

    ….and right back at you. …a woman that listens to my rants, sees the chinks in my armor, and takes the time to give a thoughtful reply, and all your asking for is some occasional hot sex. I’m in. LOL.


  3. Anonymous says:

    You’re very brave to make the choice to no longer live underground. It sounds like the most loving choice for both yourself and your wife.

    I was in an affair with a married man who saw escorts for five years before we met. We stopped for a few months at the start of the year and he tried seeing an escort again but when we reunited, said he couldn’t go back to escorts as he couldn’t afford it and it felt really empty.

    He got to a place where he was going to get a divorce and try to be with me (two separate things; there was no leaving “for” me) but ended up abruptly cutting things off, buying her a 600K mansion, took her on a vacation and from his social media seems to be super happy to be back on track.

    There’s a good chance her libido came back and/or she’s ready to start trying the kinky things he likes (or he’s just so happy to be having any sex that the kink has become secondary). But if that’s not the case, I imagine he will eventually go back to having the life he had for five years: seeing escorts, buying them gifts, spending hours on social media flirting with sex workers and porn stars. An underground life that would hurt his wife if she ever found out.

    I can’t imagine how hard it would be to go through the things you’re going through but hopefully you will be rewarded for your bravery as you move forward into your new life.


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