T got home last night. I am on a plane to Iowa this morning for an early client meeting tomorrow. I picked her up at the airport at 7pm. Writing this on my flight out. We didn’t talk about the divorce yesterday, but the discussion needs to happen this week. It will suck, but avoiding it helps neither of us.
I wasn’t expecting her until tomorrow. I had her return date written down wrong.
I spent Saturday making sure the house was in decent shape.
Washed all the linens. Policed my brass.
Lipstick on the mouthwash bottle, long blonde hairs in the bed, condom wrappers in the bathroom trash can, etc. I put the wrappers in a McDonald’s bag and threw that in the trash at Starbuck’s around the corner.
The remaining fresh condoms are packed in my laptop bag. I won’t leave those in the house. A handful spilled out at the flight gate as I was pulling out my travel wallet. Oops…The married middle aged lady standing next to me didn’t appreciate my humor about it. LOL.
Now that I think about it, I should just toss them. No reason to carry condoms around. Not hobbying on this trip.
I missed T while she was gone, and it is good to have her home. However, it also brings the reality forward. We need to resolve our direction. She hinted at moving to Minnesota. I didn’t take the bait to start that talk. No time for a deep discussion last night. I had to get to bed early. A long night of ‘our marriage is over’ talks was not in the cards.
Instead, we had a nice quiet evening. Both of us in bed by 8:30. Reading. She had a hard month and is bruised head to toe from building tiger enclosures. Glad to be home in her own bed, she thanked me for putting on clean sheets.
Rat bastard, I am.
Next week, I’m taking a solo vacation. Meeting Charlotte in Napa for the weekend on Friday. Then up to the Pacific Northwest on Sunday night to visit my best friend for a week. It is his birthday.
The divorce conversation needs to be moved forward before I leave on Friday. I’m not looking forward to it. However, it needs to be done. My feeling is that T still does not want the divorce, but will agree. I feel guilty, but want to move forward. Absence has made my heart grow fond for her, but the underlying issues are unchanged. I’d rather leave than continue to live underground. I am technically within the rules, but in my heart I know I am way past the boundaries she intended for the pass.
I want to be free and clear. No doubt I will have regrets, but also a new chapter in my life.
The reason Paula ended her last sugar relationship is that her SD told his wife he wanted a divorce, then professed his love to her. She ended their arrangement shortly thereafter. He didn’t understand. She is a 20 year old latina. There is no way she could bring a middle aged, divorced sugar daddy home to her family. He offered to double her allowance if she would stay and be his RL GF. She still left, and has agreed to see me for less than her original deal with him. It is about the boundaries. A big part of our agreement is that we both understand the rules and limits.
Charlotte taught me this. These are arrangements not romances.
So, no worries Charlotte. I will see you Friday in Napa. I am not coming to profess my undying love.
We will have a great weekend.