T and I have been home a few days together and the subject of our relationship has not been touched. This is partly timing and also we both seem to be avoiding it. My flight landed at almost midnight Monday. She put in a 12 hour day at the sanctuary in 95F heat on Wednesday. On and on. The short moments we have been together were spent on the couch watching TV. Lightly holding hands in peace. There is a heaviness in the air in those moments which is difficult to describe. The timing didn’t feel right.
Siobahn cut my hair yesterday and we talked about this. Her advice is to wait. Allow things to sink in. T knows the relationship is still not working. Give her time to have her own ideas about that. Another friend also suggested that by allowing some time topass, she might be glad for me to finally bring it up. So I’ve decided to wait. Most likely I am just avoiding a difficult conversation. But there is also merit here. Training from my previous life says never deliver negative news to someone and then leave them with no support or structure for help. I would be telling her “time is up let’s move ahead with the divorce” then leaving her alone for ten days. Not that she is suicidal, but she does have her own battles with depression. Rationalization or not, it is at most risky, and at least unfair.
I haven’t seen anyone this week. Melissa reached out Tuesday morning, but I told her I was unavailable. Tomorrow I fly out to California to meet Charlotte. We are spending the weekend in Napa together. . Afterwards, I’m heading up to Eastern Washington to spend a week with my best friend. It is his birthday.
I am looking forward to this trip. I haven’t had a real vacation in forever.