The vacation is coming to a close. Flying home this morning. Currently I’m breakfasting across from my gate in a bar called the Africa Lounge in SeaTac. I’ve got the rest of the weekend at home. We’ll see how that goes.
I had a slightly odd session with a local Seattleite last night. Independent. Beautiful girl. Tall, blonde, green eyes, great figure. She was clearly nervous, and a little awkward with some things. She must’ve been new.
We did not have a lot of chemistry, but managed through the session. Afterwards, she asked me for a cup of coffee and Qtips. I brewed her a cup, she cleaned her ears, then left. A little strange.
No, there was no ear play. Is that even a thing?
Seattle is a nostalgic place for me. T and I moved here the day after we married. We set out the morning after our honeymoon in a Uhaul for the 3000 mile trek. Two cats, all our belongings and towing a car. “Just Married” scrawled on everything. We had moved our wedding up a year to get married before we left. I’d accepted a promotion out west and it was too good to pass up. Westward Ho.
We spent the first two years of our marriage here. The Emerald City. I love the mist. Cerebral and emotional at the same time. The people are a little xenophobic. Outsiders are not always welcome. However, once you’ve proven you can be handy and trusted, people eventually come to accept you. Unless you are from California. LOL
I spent this week at my best friend’s house out in eastern Washington. Yakima valley. Awesome drive out there and back from Seattle. A few weeks ago, I confessed all of this stuff to him in a phone conversation. The blog, the pass, the escorts. Everything.
He knows me well. We’ve been friends since childhood.
He was a little shocked at first. However, supportive in the end. He is in a 20 year marriage to a great woman. I asked if he wanted to bring her in on the information. “Absolutely not. I highly doubt she would understand.”
He believes in counseling, and nudged me with the suggestion. I am still skeptical. Burned by that industry, I have no interest in paying someone to share my feelings. I probably need it, but am closed to the idea. I would rather continue my path. The blog and introspection will have to suffice. This is working for me. I feel good about where I am. Making progress in the right direction.
Am I using sex to fill a gaping hole in my ego? Probably.
Sex addiction? Um No. That doesn’t exist. Hiding behind certain labels is what people do when they don’t want to take responsibility for their actions. “I’m sorry I slept with your sister. It’s not my fault. I’m a sex addict.” Bullshit. Never slept with anybody’s sister, BTW…
Heroin is an addiction. Not Sex. Sex is Ego vs Id.
Know yourself. Accept yourself. Live with yourself.
That being said, I am not blind to my behavior. What I am going to do about that is the real question.
Right now, I am going to keep seeing my new friends a regular basis, and take the future as it comes.