Melting Down, Going Out and Staying In

T and I had a rough afternoon Thursday.  We had a realtor over to evaluate the house. After which, we had a minor meltdown.

“It’s not going to be that easy. You can’t just skate out of here and leave me with nothing…”

We go back and forth.  She is frustrated and hasn’t worked consistently in 3 years.

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We do similar work. I’ve kept to a corporate track, while she prefers independent consulting. Until three years ago, we earned the same. She started turning down projects a while back, to take a break.  Now she has petered to no work at all. My job supports both of us.

However, my frustration is a mixed bag. I feel that half of this is my fault. I encouraged her to take a break. Her last few projects were lousy.  Today, I make all the money for both of us. She doesn’t want to go back to consulting.  She currently has several customers pursuing her for work, but is full of excuses.

We are both at fault here. I enable. She hides.

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“You ask me to do all the work which you no longer deign to do. How is that leaving you with nothing?”  I regret it the moment it leaves my lips.

Our finances are simple. We plan to sell the house, divide our things and go our separate ways. She just needs to get a job so she can support herself.  Clearly dragging her feet.

I love her, but am seriously frustrated with this part of our relationship. She loves the sanctuary work. I’m proud of her for it.  I just wish she could find some middle ground:  Get a job, spend some time with me once in a while, and still volunteer a few days a week.

Instead it is all or nothing. If she is not fully devoted, she has to completely quit.  Either way works out badly for me. I am either alone or ‘she gave up what she loves’ for me.

She is burying herself. Hiding from everything.  Her parents, her work, us…

Tears. Yelling.  We both have valid points. In her defense, I don’t want to work on anything in the relationship. I’ve been the supportive enabler all these years. Now I want to bail.  I have a good job that I like. The travel is fun. Although I worked very hard to get to this point.

I admit this is clearly not fair to her.

The true test of a man’s loyalty is when he has everything and she has nothing.

After an hour, we recover our composure.  “We just need more time to process.”

Fortunately, she and her friends have a ladies night out planned. We pull ourselves together. She gets ready and heads out.

@@@

Shortly thereafter, Karmen calls. Completely out of the blue. I just saw her the night before.

“I don’t have any appointments tonight.  Wanna hang out?”

Timing is everything.

She is not sure if she wants to go out or stay in.  “Bring some snacks and we’ll figure it out when you get here.”

I put on a nice shirt, a clean pair of jeans, and arrive at her place 45 minutes later. Wine and cheese in hand.

She looks great:  red silk blouse, jeans and sandals.  It’s Thursday night. Not a lot going on in town. Neither of us wants to sit in a restaurant.

“Get comfortable, let’s stay in”, she says as she pulls her jeans off.

I follow suit.  We sit on her bed in shirts and underwear, snuggled up with the wine and snacks. She relaxes and opens up a bit. We talk about family, friends, etc. Roads traveled and untraveled.  Nothing too deep or romantic.  Just a nice evening in.  The TV is droning in the background. She holds my hand.

It strikes me that she probably never gets an evening like this.  She is far from home. Working in my town to keep things secret from her family and friends.

Later in the evening, we are kissing. She says “up for some fun?”

Of course

We end up naked and devouring each other.  Sex with Karmen is always fantastic. Afterwards we lay together quietly. No talking anymore, just holding.

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I get home around 11. T walks in the door at 11:30.  We are both over our argument.  Call it a night.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. I recognize this may be addressed somewhere in your blog, so feel free to point me to a relevant post. But… how does the amount of money you are spending on these women factor in for you? Is T aware of the scope and scale of your extra marital encounters?

    Like

    1. uehobbyist says:

      I think I’ve thoroughly exceeded the scope and scale of what she intended. Hence, the divorce discussion. This past year has made me realize several things. One of which is that we are very far apart on our sexual expectations. As for the money. I live in a metro area which has a thriving local adult tourism industry, making it more affordable. However in the end, it will be my governor.

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