I have made some new and interesting friends out here in the blogosphere. This blog has written out in a way I did not expect. It has attracted followers I would have never guessed to be interested. I underestimated that it is a living thing shaped as much by the people you meet out here as it is by my personal experiences and thoughts.
There are men and women on all sides of these issues. Sex work, long term marriage, faithfulness, sexless relationships, infidelity, abusive partners…the works. I want to take a minute to thank everyone who reads. You’ve all helped me grow and to consider things from many angles. It is cathartic.
Interestingly, while the blog doesn’t generate a ton of comments, I do receive a lot of positive email.
With that being said, I would like to introduce a guest post from one of my new friends we’ll refer to as Roy. I met him on email a while back and we share a lot of similarities in life. His story is interesting and deserves a place here.
R is a little ahead of me in his journey. His divorce just finalized, and his escort crush (Jane) is crossing the boundary. They have just finished up a romantic weekend in Bar Harbor. These next few posts are part of their story.
Roy Part 1 – The Divorce is Final
Tonight is the first night in my own place in 17 years. Ratified the contract last week, settle in 2 weeks, but the place was empty and the owners were OK with me moving in early. Just an inflatable mattress for now, but it’s a start, in many ways. My now ex-wife, A and I have our ups and downs, ended tonight on an up note thankfully.
It seems we mostly see eye to eye on the division of assets and finances, and both agree to keep lawyers out of it as much as possible. My state is still in the dark ages and requires both parties to have separate lawyers in a divorce. A and I have agreed to negotiate the details ourselves and just have the lawyers draw up the paperwork. I’m relieved because I’ve been through this before and have seen how easy it is for one partner to become paranoid and start to listen to the FUD generated by the lawyer.
A was conciliatory today; sad to see me packing, knowing this time it’s for good. We both have accepted that although there’s a lot of good in our relationship, there are also some friction spots that we just can’t seem to get past. I will miss her. I wish we could’ve been better at working through our issues. I wish I could’ve been the husband to her I imagined I would be. But at the same time, the relationship is ending exactly in the manner I wanted. Possibly even better.
She has moved on, emotionally and sexually, and doesn’t have the slightest idea the extent to which I have also. Bittersweet.
Keeping A in the dark was necessary to avoid drama and resentment. I let her believe she was moving on first. That she broke my heart. I didn’t have to pretend that last bit. It hurt. A lot. But I’ve found a soft place to land. If there is a hell, I’ll be there. Luckily I don’t believe in it.